an update of good things

First, thank you to everyone who prayed for me this past week.  I explained in my last post that I was waiting (on panic-attack cliffs edge) on the results of a health-related test.  The midwife called this morning with the results and...

...although my cells are "atypical" she said that it's not intense-enough to warrant further testing right now so what they do is have me come back in 12 months for my yearly like usual.

Praise GOD!  I mean, balls to the wall, hands raised high, dancing like nobody's watching... puh-raeeeez  heeeyum!  On the phone the sweet midwife said, "Well, I hope your day is good now."  Did she know how freaked out I was?  My timid voice and deep inhalation of breath right before she got all the information out must have given it away.  I am just absolutely so relieved that I don't have to end up in a strange OB's office, stripped from the waist down, being poked and prodded, biopsied, squinting in pain, fear filling my psyche and drowning out all logic and reason, and then have to wait AGAIN on the edge of a panic attack for what seem like days on end to hear those results.

Now, "atypical" cells still are not 100%... but I'm counting even the small miracles here.  Apparently, from the research I've done, I am guessing that the cells were the lowest grade of abnormal, meaning it's nothing to be alarmed about yet, but yearly monitoring is a good idea.  Even if I do end up eventually having to have those scary things done, at the very least it won't be *right now* just two short months after I lost my first child... just two short months worth of grief and sleepless nights... just two short months of thinking about death and having a hard time with that.  It's too soon.  Too soon for me to have salt thrown in my open wounds.  Thank you God.

Also, more little praises, I got accepted into an awesome craft fair (which will take place in September in Greeneville, SC ...  http://www.indiecraftparade.com/ ).  I did this fair last year and it was THE best craft fair I've ever done in terms of sales.  Although this may kinda sound like mundane business news (I mean, last year I did over a dozen awesome craft fairs), I still haven't even done one single one since the beginning of 2011.  So, this will be my first for the year.  Not being able to do them has taken a little toll on my ego.  I looooong to be out in the public, peddling my wares.  Makes the heart feel full of goodness.  So, joy of joy,  there is something actually exciting for me to look forward to.  Having lost my mojo in so many ways, I'm so thankful to be emotionally interested in something since Wolfie passed.  I've even come up with new designs!  Behold!

       Yay for life!  Yay for my health.  Yay for art!  Yay for people wanting to have my art!

Affirmations are such a must for me right now.  In the face of grief and depression they are like tiny little emotional Martha Stewarts, coming into my mind to make everything look nice and help me create a bunch of "good things".

So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart for praying for me.  It worked!  But regardless of the outcome of this test, your prayers have impacted me in so many good ways.  In the midst of being on the verge of sad tears all the time, I am often on the verge of happy tears just thinking about all the amazing people who love and pray for us.    (And for the record, I think that is the BIGGEST testament to the power of prayer... not just that we won the outcome we wanted but that my heart was affected by God's love regardless of the outcome). 


Oh, the tears they will come, but why not let them be happy tears sometimes?