Please pray for me...

I'm sorry to all the boys (and boys at heart) that read my blog but this next post here is going to contain some "women stuff" that make make you a little sqeamish.  That being said, I really need some prayer for a health-related matter.  Read on if "women stuff" doesn't bother you.

I saw the midwives today for my 6 week check-in.  I was particularly nervous about this visit for a number of reasons.

1.  Having lost my baby it's always hard going and being around (possibly) other babies and a waiting room full of pregnant women because they don't know my situation.  Also, I was paranoid that the nurses that check me in (not the midwives) would forget who I was and ask me about the baby (which one did ask me if I was still nursing today... I had to tell her that my baby died under hushed breath).

2.  Some of the things I had done during my pregnancy to help speed labor up (the cervical sweep and the insertion of the Cervadil) were particularly painful.  I also had stitches removed just 3 weeks post-pardem that hadn't dissolved like they were supposed to.  That was actually way more painful that I think it was supposed to be because I think (and I'm not quite sure because I couldn't see what was going on) my labia was clamped with forcepts so she could have a free hand to cut and remove the stitches.  I think it was the clamping that hurt... I could feel the stitches coming out but that didn't really hurt.  These were all performed by a midwife there (who has left to join another practice now since that visit I had 3 weeks ago) but I was nervous that anything else would hurt badly as well... and unfortunately for this midwife, I've associated her with being in lots of pain.  Like I said, she was no longer there... and my visit today was totally pain-free...but that might have only been due to the fact that I was only having a routine thing done.   Which leads me to the last point (the routine thing)...

And here's the biggest reason I was nervous...

3.  Back in September I had a pap smear during one of my first pre-natal visits.  The results came back abnormal.  When results of a pap come back abnormal, they write "ABNORMAL" in big bold uppercase font down the side of a whole sheet of paper.  It's daunting, even if it is common.

Any who... turns out I am HPV negative.  Which is a great thing because being HPV positive would have greatly increased the chances of these abnormal cells to being cancerous.  I'm negative but that doesn't mean they couldn't be bad.  I mean... Wolfie, Ben and I have all just become statistics (rare statistics) and I'm not about to take any "low odd" scenario for granted ever again.


So I had another pap smear today to test to see if those abnormal cells are still there.  According to Margaret (my midwife), there's about a 50/50 chance that the fact that I had a vaginal birth, and the cervix was stretched and constricted and had increased blood flow, that these abnormal cells may disappear all on their own.  But there is a 50% chance that they're still there.

If they're still there, I will have to be referred to another practice to have another procedure done to check the abundance of these abnormal cells on my cervix and depending on what they see, possibly have a biopsy done.

Sigh.

I need your prayer.  Please pray that the results of this latest pap come back normal.  Please pray that I don't have to be poked and prodded anymore.

But most of all... please pray that I won't have ANOTHER reason to be filled with worry, fear and anguish.  I am just so sick of all the stress.  My emotional wounds are still fresh...please pray I don't have to add "worrying about cancer" to that burden.

Please pray.