conception

 Dear Wolf, it was about this time last year that you were conceived.  You were just a little simple-celled thing rapidly dividing and growing, releasing hormones and affecting the world around you.  For three days straight my kidneys were aching and I knew something was up.  

I was pondering all this stuff this past weekend.  On Saturday Ben and I were stopped behind someone in traffic who had "PSLM139" on their license plate.  I said "psalm 139" out loud because it seemed a little silly to me.   It's not like I have the bible memorized or anything... and I found it a strange thing for a personalized license plate.    The next day we went to church and wouldn't you know it?  Psalm 139 was the first bit of scripture to be read in our liturgy for the day.    I mean weird.  Weeeee-urd.  

This has only ever happened to me one other time in life.  My friend Andrea and I were driving around many many years ago and I was complaining (as usual for those days) about being single.  Unlike Atlanta, everyone I knew in Columbia, SC had already gotten married by the age of 23.  So there I was, 25 and not a good man in sight.  Anywho, I'd just finished a rant and we stopped behind this huge cadillac and the license plate read "BENNETT".  That's my maiden name.   Yeeeahhhh.   I mean what are the odds of that?!  Like God telling me to simmer down and enjoy being a Bennett for a while.

So I guess God likes to speak to me through license plates sometimes.  

From Psalm 139:

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
         You covered me in my mother’s womb.

Even before I really knew what was going on in my womb, God did.  A few weeks later two little lines would appear on a test strip and Ben and I would have a better idea of things, but in the beginning all I had was a hunch.  A sneaking suspicion.  

We made Wolfie with our cells and our bodies but God would do with his life what he would.  And Wolfie did a lot with his little life. 

As I'm getting back into the creative swing of things, and trying to get back to work I am struck with the power of creation.  I am constantly in awe of the "life" my creations take on, how other people see them or desire them, or how they influence the world (however small a world that might be).  Just like a baby they are conceived and delivered.  

And so begins an eternal season of remembrance for Wolfgang... beginning with conception.   

It also seems only fitting that until today I'd been too terrified to call the hospitals to make sure that our bills were paid.  I had so much anxiety this morning about it that I was literally shaking while I gathered all the paperwork.   I called around and somehow miraculously, all our bills were zeroed out... nothing to owe.   The insurance has paid for it all.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!  Praise God who cancels all our debts.  Praise God who has fearfully and wonderfully made us.  

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
         Try me, and know my anxieties;
 ²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me,
         And lead me in the way everlasting.